


Do You Want To Know A Secret

by jenajasper



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Public Display of Affection, Sam and Dean each learn a lesson from a stranger, Sibling Incest, love and affection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-17
Updated: 2015-10-17
Packaged: 2018-04-26 20:12:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5018806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenajasper/pseuds/jenajasper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean didn't like public displays of affection until he learned that they were not really meant for the public</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sam’s shoulders jerked at the sharp sound of the slamming door. He quickly turned to see that Dean had kicked it shut. He watched as Dean roughly tossed his jacket and dropped his bag.

“Dean, what’s wrong?”

Dean looked surprised at the question. He pressed his lips together, closed his eyes as he took a deep breath in through his nose, opening them on the exhale.

“Seriously, dude?” Then in a voice mimicking his brother, he said, “Oh, we only need one bed”, then repeated, “Seriously?”

Now Sam’s frustrations came out. He rolled his eyes and blew a big breath out through his mouth. He looked down at the floor, shaking his head, before speaking. 

“Since when do you care what other people think anyway?”

“I don’t, Sammy..” He paused a long beat then became more animated as he said, “But what are they gonna think?”

“Nothing. We’re a couple. Nobody cares about that and we don’t use our real names.”

Dean didn’t answer. He grabbed his bag and pulling out his kit, walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

Sam felt the conversation was over. As happy as he was to be with Dean and as much as he knew Dean felt the same, he wanted to show off a little bit. But, he also knew that Dean was uncomfortable with public display, even within the limits of a motel lobby. 

They had always been close. They were responsible for each other, each others lives and safety. And they had always been physical. 

The bond that was created when they became brothers was stronger than anyone knew. And they fell in love with each other before they were old enough to understand the feelings.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was a job near San Jose that motivated Dean to visit Sam. He hadn’t seen his brother in over a year and tried not to interfere in his new ‘normal’ life. He spent the morning on the edges of Sam’s day.

He sat in the car and watched Sam pick up his morning coffee. He stood across the quad and watched Sam read while he sat under a tree. He watched as Sam looked up in answer to a call from a couple of guys who waved him over. Then he watched Sam walk into a building as the door shut behind him.

He walked back towards his car, stopping at a coffee cart on the way. As he reached the Impala, his phone buzzed. He read the text; it was from Sam. Dean smiled, he wasn’t sure if Sam was that sharp or if he was that careless. Either way, Sam had forced his hand. And that was okay. 

Two hours later, Dean was back at the coffee cart and Sam was back in his sight. But this time, they were both aware and smiling. 

They went for a drive. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dean walked out of the bathroom. He immediately started to talk about the work. He opened with a joke; everything was back to normal. Sam smiled, this was as much of an apology as he was going to get. He walked over to his brother and gave him a peck on the lips. Dean wrapped his arms around Sam’s waist and pulled him close but, Sam placed his palms on his brother’s chest and shook his head. Then he said, “work”, emphasis on the pucker and gently pushed Dean away. 

They checked their weapons, grabbed the paperwork and went out to save the world.


	2. Chapter 2

After their research at the hall of records and their appointment with the town historian, or gossip as Dean referred to her, they had dinner.

Dean loved this kind of place. It was a small local spot. The door was just a few feet from the bar and there was a tiny bell that rang each time it was opened. All the wood was dark, the floor, the tables, even the bar itself. The windows were small and closer to the ceiling than the floor but allowed in plenty of light through the clear glass. It was a starry night and the brightness streamed in like giant flashlight beams across the room. 

Sam and Dean were pleased to find booths along the back wall. They were greeted by a woman wearing a bartender’s apron who seated them. She was not, however, the bartender. She took their request for beer and called out to a man behind the bar. He looked up and nodded to the brothers. 

The waitress returned with their drinks and took the food orders. While they waited, they went through their notes and decided what their next steps would be.

With his usual charm, Dean discovered that this place had the best reuben sandwich this side of the Hudson. Sam ordered a grilled chicken salad, also the best this side of the Hudson.

Dean was enjoying his meal with no regard to appearances. Sam reached out toward his brother’s face. Dean’s eyes widened and he sat as far back in his seat as possible. Sam has very long arms. Using his thumb, he wiped russian dressing from the corner of Dean’s mouth then licked his finger. Dean squeezed his sandwich and watched the rest of the russian dressing spill onto the plate.

“What the hell are you doing, Sam?” He was almost whispering.

“Just cleaning your face. People do that. Nobody’s looking.”

Dean slid out of the booth and made the excuse of needing to wash his hands. Sam couldn’t understand his brother’s reaction, over reaction. 

It was always there. It was walking away with their arms around each other’s shoulders. The closeness when they talked, like they were sharing secrets. And then there were the hugs. There was a security, a comfort, an assurance that everything was okay, that they were okay. They sometimes held on tightly to the point of discomfort. 

Once they became lovers, Dean became uncomfortable with public displays, even the innocent ones. He washed the mess off his hands and looked at himself in the mirror. He knew Sam was right. When they were on the road, no one really knew them. But his brother didn’t understand. 

Dean returned to the table. He wanted to say something, to fix it. He felt foolish and trapped. He wanted to reach out. He wanted to caress the smooth skin. He wanted to stroke his brother’s face right here in front of anyone who wanted to look. He wanted to wrap his hand around that long neck and pull Sam toward him. But he couldn’t move. 

They gave everything to the world, to strangers. This was theirs alone and Dean didn’t want to share it.

Sam barely looked up from his salad. Dean pushed his plate away and picked up his beer. Sam’s eyes slid over to the discarded plate and he reacted to the amount of food left uneaten. 

He raised his head just as Dean slid out of the booth. He heard a small clang of metal and saw the car keys on the table. He reached out but Dean was already beyond his grasp. “Sorry.”, was all he said.

Sam hung his head and heard the little bell over the door.

The waitress returned and asked Sam if he was ready for the check. He told her he was moving over to the bar. He grabbed the keys and slid out of the booth.


	3. Chapter 3

Sam had long since given up watching the door every time he heard that little bell ring. He was sure Dean wasn’t coming back. He’ d left Sam the keys so he wouldn’t have to worry, and he would worry, he would always worry, how Sam would get home. But Sam was worried how Dean would get home. It was really too far to walk and it was dark and it was late and he was pissed and maybe even a little drunk.They had been down this road before but, this time, Sam was afraid he may have gone too far. This time he actually said something.

“Well”, Sam thought, “there must be a car out there with Dean’s name on it.” At least one he could sabotage, help the poor slob it belongs to and get a lift in eternal gratitude. 

“This one’s on me.” The bartender said with a smile. That sympathetic ‘I’m your friend’, smile. He left the bottle and walked away. 

Sam didn’t know if he wanted another beer. He didn’t know if he should wait. He didn’t know if he should leave. He didn’t know if he should make a phone call. He just didn’t know.

The bartender returned. “Something stronger, maybe”, he asked. 

Sam looked up with an expression that the bartender would describe as the one you get when you see ‘Bambi’s’ mother get killed. He poured him a glass of the good stuff. Sam drank it down.

“So, what is it, he’s married?” Sam’s expression answered the question.  
“You married?”

“Nobody’s married. It’s not about that. He’s my……..” Sam stopped himself. This guy was willing to listen and who else could he tell this to? Dean hadn’t said much more than ‘no’ whenever he brought it up. 

“We travel a lot, close quarters, you know. Sometimes it gets dangerous, And we’ve had to save each other’s necks one way or another. It’s a bond, you know, a trust. You gotta believe that other guy is there, got your back. And he’s never let me down.”

“I’m sure you do the same”

“In a heartbeat.”

He noticed a change in Sam’s demeanor, a softening of his expression. A tenderness in his eyes. This was more than his friend and he wasn’t talking about work.

“Look, I’ve been doing this a long time and I’ve pretty much seen everything.”

Sam let out a small laugh, not because the statement was funny but because Sam was pretty sure he had never seen this. “I love him.”, he said and ran his hand through his hair. 

“Sure, that’s understandable”

“No” Sam turned to look directly into the face of his confidante. “I love him”

“Yeah, I got that. Look, it’s the twenty first century; that kinda stuff’s not news anymore.”

Sam showed his first real smile of the evening. “Where were you an hour ago?”

The bartender shrugged. “The way I see it, as long as you’re legal and willing. And it looked pretty mutual to me for the most part.”

“It’s complicated” Sam answered. “I may be asking him to do something I don’t know if he can do.”

“Oh, First time, huh?”

Sam laughed as a thought flew into his head. There couldn’t be too many things left for Dean to have a first time with. He shook his head. 

“I just want him to.. ..I want people to see. It’s like I want everyone to know.” 

Now the bartender let out a laugh. “He didn’t look too comfortable with that. And what makes you think people can’t see it? I saw it as soon as you walked in. He’s guiding you with a hand on your back. You move things around on the table to how he likes it. Ain’t it enough that you know?”

Sam thought again about what he was asking of his brother. He needed more proof that Dean loved him? He needed more than the way he said his name when they were alone in the dark? He needed more than to feel those rough calloused hands across his bare skin? He needed more than the feeling of completeness when they made love?

He needed nothing more.


	4. Chapter 4

Dean walked through the lot and out to the street. He couldn’t even see the motel from here. He rubbed his hands together and thought, ‘I guess I’ll have to go rent a car.’ He didn’t want to steal one; they weren’t leaving for at least another day and the motel was a little too close to town. He had another idea.

He walked back through the lot towards the convenience store. It was the only business still open and the turnaround should be pretty quick. He looked for the perfect car.

He didn’t want anything too new. Those were electronic and alarmed and practically self-healing. 

He didn’t want anything too old. Those usually belonged to mechanics who probably wouldn’t need his help.

Then he found it. It was just right. This must be what Goldilocks felt like he thought to himself.

He did the deed then walked away. He waited less than ten minutes before he heard the car not start.

“Hey, buddy. Need a hand?”

The man looked up at Dean from behind the steering wheel. He was over fifty, maybe sixty, glasses, pretty good head of hair and a warm smile. 

“Would you? I don’t know the difference between a lug wrench and a fuel pump.” That brought a sincere smile to Dean; he couldn’t think of a more random pairing. He opened the hood and secured it with the prop rod.

“Had the car long?”

“Actually, it’s my son’s car. He takes pretty good care, never has any trouble with it. He’s got mine tonight.”

Dean felt a small pang of guilt. This was a nice man with a family. Dean reconnected the loose wires and asked the man to try again. The car started right up. Dean lowered the hood as the driver got out of the car. He offered his hand but Dean’s were dirty so, he offered him his handkerchief. 

Dean wiped his hands, at the man’s insistence. He offered a ride, as expected, but Dean politely refused and told him to go home to his family.

“Well, since my wife died, it’s just me and my kids.” Dean said he was sorry.

“No. Don’t be. We were married almost thirty years, a good marriage, good kids, a good life, really. And she was sick a long time. But, I’ll tell ya, those last few weeks, I was with her twenty four hours a day. People told me to get her a nurse, put her in a hospital. But, she had medical care, the best I could get. She didn’t need more of that. What she needed was me. I took the time from my work and I took care of her. Not like paying the bills or doing the housework. HER. It was just me and her. 

I held her hand and stroked her hair. I touched her face, all those seemingly meaningless little things. All those things that let a person know how you love them. And I loved her and she knew.”

Dean could see a far away look in the man’s eyes and he recognized it. He knew how it felt to love someone so much that you would give your own life for theirs. They shook hands and Dean watched him get back in the car and drive off.

“Seemingly meaningless little things” Dean couldn’t get those words out of his thoughts. And he was suddenly ashamed of himself. What a small thing to do to make Sam happy.


	5. Chapter 5

Dean stood in that spot as if all of gravity was focused there. He thought about Sam and how easy it was to love him. He thought about how lucky he was that Sam loved him back. And he thought about that first time.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

As they drove away from the campus, they talked about school and the job and other unimportant things. 

Dean drove until they saw water. It wasn’t the ocean but, a lake at a scenic overlook off the highway. He pulled the car over near the railing. Sam opened his door and Dean reached over and placed a hand on his brother’s arm. He could feel the muscles tighten then relax. Sam stopped his movements and turned toward Dean.

His mouth was dry and he could feel a heat rise from his belly forcing his breath out in short bursts. Dean leaned over and, with his other hand, brushed his fingers across Sam’s cheek. Their eyes were locked on each other.

Dean leaned in and pressed their lips together. It was tender and gentle. Then, Dean’s tongue lightly slid along Sam’s mouth and a soft sound, somewhere between a whisper and a sigh escaped him. 

They had kissed before, once, almost just like this, in this same car, outside of a bus station. It was the day Sam left for Stanford and it was meant to be goodbye. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dean reached into his pocket and removed his phone. His thought was to call his brother to meet him by the car. Had he not learned his lesson? Sam deserved more than that. Dean walked back towards the bar.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They separated from the kiss and Dean could see Sam’s chest heaving and he could hear his breathing. As he leaned back, Sam reached out and grabbed Dean’s shoulder as if he were falling away. Dean squeezed his brother’s arm, which he was still holding, and smiled.

He was amazed at how calm he felt. How good it felt, how right. They were like two sides of a coin. At that moment, Sam tightened his hold and wrapping his other arm around Dean’s back, pulled them together. 

These kisses were not gentle or sweet. Dean’s calm was pushed aside and overtaken by desire. They matched each other’s intensity as they nipped and sucked and chewed at each other’s mouths. Their tongues wrestling for dominance and control. They could taste each others saliva and feel each other’s breath.

They held on tight but soon their hands could no longer stay still. They hovered between soft strokes on the face and tight grips of hair. They slid beneath fabric to touch skin, sometimes skimming, sometimes clawing.

Sam grabbed his brother’s waist and lifted him to place him on his lap. Dean had the presence of mind to push himself up and keep his knees bent. Sam slipped his hands into the space between Dean’s waistband and his skin. 

He slid his hands along Dean’s waist until he could reach his belt buckle.  
He opened it, he unbuttoned, he held the zipper pull in his fingers. Dean wrapped his own hand around Sam’s and they lowered the zipper.

Dean leaned his head back. He licked his lips as his mouth fell open. His cheeks puffed as his breath was pushed out. With their hands still together, Sam reached in and touched his brother.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

Dean opened the door to the bar and heard the little bell ring.


	6. Chapter 6

Sam took a pull from, what he believed should be, his last beer of the night. He still needed to drive and he still didn’t know when or if he would see Dean tonight. This wasn’t the first time he had been unsure of when he might see Dean again. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sam’s decision to attend Stanford was his attempt to be a regular guy. He needed to get away from that life. He wanted to be one of those people who locked their doors against bad men not monsters. He knew that could never be but, he could live with those who did. 

And a regular guy had a girlfriend or a boyfriend but, not his brother. Sam knew what he and Dean felt was real and true but, they decided it could never be. It was never meant to happen. Not in this world. 

After their kiss at the bus station, they hadn’t spoken more than a couple of times and they decided that they shouldn’t see each other at all. That kiss was goodbye.

Then, on that sunny fall day, everything changed. 

He got his coffee at the shop on the corner and walked to class. He thought he saw the Impala; that happened sometimes. He always arrived early. He loved to read out on the grass and as he looked around he saw a man leaning on a bench; he thought it was Dean. That happened sometimes too. 

His friends called to him. He stood and looked again at the bench. He thought he saw the man flinch, as if trying to decide whether or not to move from his spot. Sam was stunned; he couldn’t believe it. It was Dean. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sam wondered why he wanted this so badly. Dean loved him; there was no question of that. And no one else really needed to know even though, according to the bartender, it was out there for everyone to see without any extra effort from them. 

And Dean had come for him. Was that not the most public display he could ever make?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They met at the coffee cart. Sam could barely control his steps. He wanted to run like in those bad romance novels and grab Dean and spin around and throw their heads back so the sun could make their teeth sparkle and their eyes shine. 

He walked up and they hugged each other tightly. Then they went for a drive.

Sam never went back to class. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sam asked the bartender what he owed him and he answered by telling him to have a good night. Sam put a twenty dollar bill on the bar and placed his beer bottle on top. He slid off the stool and turned to leave when he heard the little bell ring.

They saw each other at the same time. Sam stood, still unsure of what to do next. Then Dean smiled and walked towards him. He ruffled Sam’s hair and said, “Buy you a beer?”

Sam said, “Sure” and decided he was very happy with Dean’s definition of a public display.


End file.
